Why Am I Running

This question started bothering me today.
I just do not know why I keep asking myself that...

I guess months of inertia can cause that.
Why am I putting myself through all the hurt and pain.

My left knee is still hurting even though I did not run... =(
Why do I want to run to hurt myself?

I am wondering if I can brave the roads again on my beloved Cervelo...
Do I still know how to unclip when I approach traffic lights or will I trip over...

I wish I could drop everything and just go running after work or in the wee hours of the morning.
But things have been pretty unpredictable and I cannot leave all three kids to my wife or mum who will have to handle the three kids singlehandley.
Sacrifices has to be made.

I am wondering if I had made the wrong choices by signing up for the 2009 races and hope to complete the race with no or minimal training.

I wanted to lose weight and the easiest way to do that is by running.
But I hate controlling my diet and by running, I can actually bypass this choice.

Hope I wake up with a clearer mind tomorrow.

Self Doubt is my worst enemy right now...

Good nite...